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FDSandJEO_bffforever
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Name: Jessi
Gender: Female
Interests: pyromania, video games, singing, music, spinning in circles, video games, waving my arms while on a podium for a band of about 60 people, swimming, drawing, cartooning, driving places, visiting the f***ing fountain,contemplating life and existance, and video games.
Expertise: Super Smash Bros. Melee, meh clarinet, drawing
Occupation: student/musician/assassin for
Industry: um....book retail. BOOORING.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
3/1/2007
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| Wow. I'm up here at Fayetteville, and have been for over a month now.
it's funny, in high school, when you're nervous about going away to school, you always get this:
"Oh, college will be the best years of your life!"
"Your classes are so much more laidback!"
"You do work that actually interests you!"
"We'll come get you home anytime we can!"
-_- Bullshit. Not a single one of those comments is happening up here. Sure, a couple people say hi in your dorm, a couple professors are fun, and parents come to get you once in a while.
But after the newness is over, its a routine, and an even worse one than high school. Kids don't talk to you, since class is taking priority. Work starts to truly consume everything, and even with intelligence like mine I can barely keep up while feeling so miserable. Parents start to get irritated when you ask to come home saying, "can't you stay there for the weekend? Do you have to come home all the time? Get over it, and just stay there!"
Ha. So much for the loving family. right? Hell, Susan's the only one who even shows concern, and she thinks I need professional help! XD Because we've seen how much counseling did for me in the past (the two times I've been).
I dunno. I honestly miss high school. I knew people everywhere I went and I was well-liked. I got hugs from even people I barely knew just because we went to the same school. My best friends were close enough to where I could drive and see them no matter what. I had a job, a life, the man I love always around, and a leadership role I loved.
Well, I don't have a car, I can't leave campus, my roommate's sweet but quiet, I've made a grand total of one friend up here, I can't sleep in my dorm, my appetite is almost non-existent half the time, I can't think, I'm behind in Japanese, Algebra's a joke I don't bother with, and my parents, who I thought would support someone doing something they blew away after high school, refuse to listen and somehow want me to stay up at a school whose team they support simply for that reason. Music barely keeps me sane anymore.
Most of all, I just miss my friends. I miss seeing the Salazar's every other weekend. I miss goofing off with my little brother afterschool. I miss my best friend, who I love so much, and I miss Luke, the man that I know now I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I miss my life!
I think I'm going to transfer. I don't really care at this point whether it's UCA or Pulaski Tech. I just want to be home. I want to be able to work and go to school so my sweet aunt doesn't have to pay for my education. I want to save money to move away from family but remain with friends.
Stupid Razorbacks...
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| Wow...noone EVER comes here anymore...Then its safe to express myself I suppose.
The end of my high school career...I never did think it would end. I'm so excited. I get to move on, start with a clean slate, have NO attachments to the past. Especially the main one that...no offense, was holding me back...I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, hell, I guess it was never meant to be. I guess that I was fooling myself into thinking that I don't have to be independent and alone anymore. But I do. That's how I am. I work best alone. I suppose marriage and companionship are just not for me, no man will ever be right. Granted, I haven't been in too many relationships, but why bother? They always in in "we should be friends." Those friendships...never seem to last. I've seen it so many times. Hell, Jessica H. and Nick. broke up, used the friends line. Won't even talk to each other. Haven't in six months. Preston and Jessica H. Talk occasionally, never been close since. Ashlynn and Robbie. Were together for a long time. I wonder if they've even spoken in months.
I don't even know anymore. I'm just so stressed about everything. I'm excited, but man am I stressed. Too many people are wanting to keep me behind,. even though I'm leaving to Fayetteville, and will have a hard time coming back all the time. And some of my friends who I thought would be friends forever are vanishing. I suppose its inevitable, but it doesn't relieve the pain. -sigh- life is tough, no? Hell, I could take the easy way out too. But I'm not going to, though I dunno who would miss me, i'm no coward. I will have to tough it out and hopefully make my future my own. Who knows? Maybe I won't have to fight my life alone. But that's not for me to know yet.
I just hope it gets smoother from here on out...
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| WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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| This song's by Brad Paisley, and its a really good one. I think everyone should hear this song that's about my age, whether 16 or 22, I think it still applies:
"Letter To Me"
If I could write a letter to me
And send it back in time to myself at 17
First I'd prove it's me by saying look under your bed
There's a Skoal can and a Playboy no one else would know you hid
And then I'd say I know its tough
When you break up after seven months
And yeah I know you really liked her and it just don't seem fair
All I can say is pain like that is fast and it's rare
[1st Chorus]
And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
She wasn't right for you
And still you feel like there's a knife sticking out of your back
And you're wondering if you'll survive
You'll make it through this and you'll see
You're still around to write this letter to me
At the stop sign at Tomlinson and Eighth
Always stop completely don't just tap your brakes
And when you get a date with Bridgett make sure the tank is full
On second thought forget it that one turns out kinda cool
Each and every time you have a fight
Just assume you're wrong and daddy is right
And you should really thank Mrs. Brinkman
She spend so much extra time
It's like she sees the diamond underneath
And she's polishing you 'til you shine
[2nd Chorus]
And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
Tonight's the bonfire rally
But you're staying home instead because if you fail Algebra
Mom and dad will kill you dead
Trust me you'll squeak by and get a C
And you're still around to write this letter to me
You've got so much up ahead
You'll make new friends
You should see your kids and wife
And I'd end up saying have no fear
These are nowhere near the best years of your life
I guess I'll see you in the mirror
When you're a grown man
P.S. "go hug Aunt Rita every chance you can"
[3rd Chorus]
And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
I wish you'd study Spanish
I wish you'd take a typing class
I wish you wouldn't worry, let it be
I'd say have a little faith and you'll see
If I could write a letter to me
To me
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| Well, even though noone reads xanga anymore, it doesn't matter. it's christmas!!! Merry Christmas to all!!!!
Wow...I actually had an awesome Christmas. Usually, I'm the first to
say I despise the holiday. But this time was much better. I spent it
with family and actually enjoyed it. I gots me some effin' Jack
Skellington slippers!!!! XD
I
also recieved....A zune!!! and a japanese short sword, two new outfits,
some clothes from Mrs. Denise, some effin' awesome Jack Skellington
action figures from Luke, 65 bucks, a drawing pad, two guitar picks
from the Rock the Arts set at Hot Topic, Pirates of the Carribean 3,
another kickass skelanimal white shadow dog, a Purple Heart, two pairs
of fuzzy socks, one of which are toe socks, and much more awesomeness.
^_^
People also liked the gifts I got them. Which always makes
it fun. One in particular was a wooden pirate ship I painted to look
like the Black Pearl for my youngest brother Jeffrey.
I made off nicely this year...
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